I remember the day we left; that very day when everything changed, and life took a leap of surprises for all five of us! It was a Summer day: bright and early; The house was empty; our luggages were all sitting in the middle of an empty living room, and dad was running around looking for the stray cat that we let into the house every now and then. “Pishan”, the cat I just mentioned had found his way into the house, taking advantage of the last minute chaos and dad couldn’t find him. We, finally, found him in the balcony and said our goodbyes. Then, we headed over to one of my grandma’s closest friends to say one last goodbye. She was the last person with traces of grandma; The dearest grandma I had lost a few years back. After she left us, everything changed. It was then that dad convinced mum to leave our shit country for a better life. Mum never wanted to leave her roots behind. She had such deep attachments. I think she knew life wasn’t going to get any easier once we left. Only if she had resisted!
We left the soil of what some call “motherland” to make another place home. Today, marks the 18th year of making this new place home, all 18 of those years have been absolute Hell. And before you put your guards on and bombard me with questions, hear me out. Hear my story out! Little by little; event by event; and slow but deep. I am the voice of a generation that tried to build a better life. I am the voice of a lost soul, who was slapped with the reality of what she was trying to ignore. Today, I came down to my knees and surrendered to a life that was supposed to be so much more glamorous and so much more promising. Today, I realized how bad I fucked up. And I am talking about 18 years of fucking up. I am not too sure if at my age any major repairs could be done specially when your loved ones are dealing with life and death situations.
As I have promised, I will be revealing the past 18 years little by little. For today, let’s keep in mind that immigration is, by far, the bravest decision someone could ever make. Let’s keep in mind that you’ve got to have some serious balls to leave everything behind and start over specially when you’ve been living a good life. Next time you come across someone with an accent, even the subtlest glimps of it, respect that person even more! The least they have over you is a bravery that you probably lack!
It’s almost time! After years and years of holding back and debating on either prosecuting the idea or not, I have decided that i’s about time to get my hands dirty and pour my heart out. It took me a very long time, you know! A very very long time to get my heart and my mind in sync and- of course- get my lazy bum down to bring everything together.
It’s Friday night; candle light burning in the house; my glass of wine next to me; the view of the beautiful ocean at sight; and Chinese food ordered! I am feeling lonely and I’m not! Friday nights have a funny vibe when you get to my age, and you’ve experienced a few heart breaks here and there. You make yourself believe that you chose to be sitting alone in your downtown condo, and sip on your wine while binge watching some mellow Netflix series. You make yourself run from the fact that your time has probably passed although you still act like an 18 years old.
Two weeks has passed since a very life changing mistake that has made me question all the choices I’ve made in my thirty something years of living on this planet. I know what you are thinking: we all make mistake but we shouldn’t beat ourselves up over them. Here’s the thing though: people put in years of schooling to get a PH.D. In some recognized degree that will earn them some decent income. What do I do? Get that PH.D. In screwing up. Let’s count the years to see if I qualify for one or two of those degrees! Actually, let’s let you decide that for yourself by reading my inputs everyday!
I am going to take you on a journey. A journey involves myself and many people, who have come and gone, or have had no choice but to stick around- those “lucky” ones are called family! Poor souls!! I feel bad for them.
If you are still reading along, let’s start with giving you some serious warnings as I am going to be very blunt as we continue on with this blog. This blog is raw; it is heart warming and hart breaking at the same time. It’s got no bull carp or no fabrication of the truth! This blog has it all! Everything that life can serve you. At times I am the Cinderella of the story and at times I am not! In the end, I do hope that the glass stiletto fits my foot at midnight, and I end my story with a happy ending. But, and this but is a big one, nothing in my life goes as planned. Mark my words as you read man life while I’m typing it down.
Here is a warning! A warning that opens your eyes to some raw information you might not normally hear, or want to actually hear! This blog is your way into my life; the life of a girl who has tried and failed and failed again!! This blog is to take you on a journey you have never been on. A journey that cuts open a life, and shows you its inside organs and the complications it’s been through. Hold my hand or let go, I am here to share with you where life takes you….
“The happiness that your dreams are promising you might be right around the corner…”